called_lioness: (Glistening Eastern Sea)
At the funeral--it's really more a service, because everyone on the train was too burned for there to be much point in anything beyond cremation, and it seemed wrong to Susan to do it one way for some and another for Peter and Ed--but at the funeral, Susan listens to them talk about her cousin and brothers and parents. And, of course, her sister.

"Such a pretty girl. Not like the older one," and Susan's fist clench a little, because she knows, for all she never spoke of it, that Lucy hated hearing her called the pretty one, and part of her wants to yell (a queen never yells) that they shut up, because her sister was beautiful, "but still. It's a shame."

"Sweet sort, too. Bit odd, I suppose. Always seemed to be somewhere else, half way."

That's when Susan walks away from the others, out of the church that she doesn't go to anymore and to the park across the street.

She almost wants to laugh when she realizes right next to the bench is a bloody lamp post.

Susan pretends that Lucy is there, and pretends she can yell at her sister, and ask why she had to take the train, why they had to go get stupid rings--because Lucy still told Susan, even to the end, even when Susan rolled her eyes, all things about Narnia--for a fairy country, why she had to die for make believe.

And the worst part is, as she pulls her knees up to her chest, not at all like the grown-up lady she likes to think she is, she can hear Lucy's response. It's the same one Lucy gave (but she never did, because it was just a game) when Susan asked her why she had to go out with the archers and ride with their brothers.

Why, it's Narnia, Su. How could I not?

Because Lucy always loved her fairy tale more than the real world. Of course she had to die for it.

Sitting on the bench, with her knees pressed to her chest, Susan can't completely blame her for it, either.
[words: 358]
called_lioness: (Glee)
New Years Eve Reflections: Over the last year, did things go pretty much as you'd expected or planned, or did your life take a significant, unexpected turn? Overall, was it a good year or one that you want to put behind you as fast as you can?

"About half an hour later--or it might have been half a hundred years later, for time there is not like time here--Lucy stood with her dear friend, her oldest Narnian friend, the Faun Tumnus, looking down over the wall of that garden, and seeing all Narnia spread out below. But when you looked down you found that this hill was much higher than you had thought: it sank down with shining cliffs, thousands of feet below them and trees in that lower world looked no bigger than grains of green salt. Then she turned inward again and stood with her back to the wall and looked at the garden.

"I see," she said at last, thoughtfully. "I see now. This garden is like the stable. It is far bigger inside than it was outside."

"Of course, Daughter of Eve," said the Faun. "The further up and the further in you go, the bigger everything gets. The inside is larger than the outside.""
The Last Battle

I think my life took a very sudden unexpected turn when the train did the same.

And then my life rather ended.

But I’m not certain it was really last year. Time doesn’t matter anymore. Not for me. Sometimes I think I must have left that world, left the Shadowlands, decades ago. And sometimes I think it can’t have been more than a few days ago.

It doesn’t make sense.

It doesn’t have to anymore, either, though.

My life now—well, existence, maybe is better—but it’s the best anything can be, I think.

It doesn’t hurt to die. It just hurts to know that you have to wait to see some people you love again. But dying didn’t hurt.

I’m home.

I don’t know that there’s anything more important than that.

I don’t know that there’s anything more to say than that.

Was it a good year?

Come walking with me, and see what I see.

Tell me how it can be anything else but good.

As far as I’ve seen, it only gets better.

[176 Words]
called_lioness: (Default)
"The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."
-The Last Battle

Lucy closes her eyes and listens to the sea.

(Susan was given the mountains, Peter the sky, Edmund the woods, but the sea and the east and the way to Aslan's Country--in the Old Narnia, anyway--that was given to Lucy, and they were all Emperors and Empresses of the Lone Isles, but the sea surrounding them was hers.)

She feels the same she has for years--she thinks they're years, but time doesn't matter, not any longer, not here--which is young and more alive than she ever did in life and full of light, which is right. Which is as it should be.

Caspian is behind her, arms around her waist--because you can want no wrong thing here, and the fear both had had when alive is just silly now (and in death, the star's daughter smiles the same as in life, and vows are only made until death, anyway)--and presses a kiss to her shoulder.

Time doesn't matter. She remembers the passing of years, and wonders now why they counted them so closely.

Everything old is gone. Years at all are old and gone.

The New Narnia, Aslan's Country, the Real England, all of that is what matters now.

Lucy opens her eyes, and looks at the sea, and turns to look at Caspian and smiles at his eyes.

They're the same colour as the water, she thinks, before he leans in to kiss her, and she can't see them any more.

There is love in them, though, she knows.

She smiles against warm lips and thinks that perhaps every day she wakes again--and there are infinite days to come--she'll thank Aslan for those eyes.

[275 Words]
called_lioness: (Default)
"But what does it all mean?" asked Susan when they were somewhat calmer. — "It means," said Aslan, "that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of Time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards."

-The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

She was going to kill my brother.

It was very simple. My brother was going to die, and the Lion wouldn't let that happen.

I was young enough still that I didn't know how to be more frightened than curious. I was in a fairy tale world.

They always have happy endings, after all, fairy tales.

And so I woke my sister, and we followed Aslan into the night, and up to the Table.

And we watched as they shaved him and bound him and muzzled him, and Susan held my left hand tightly while we stared, and my right clenched on my dagger.

He was so strong.

He could have gotten away. Easily. He could have crushed her there, even bound.

Instead he let her slam the knife into his heart.

I didn't look away.

I don't know what Susan did.

But I watched. Because he died for my brother.

I watched, and wondered why this fairy tale didn't have a happy ending.

And then the morning came.

[169 Words]
called_lioness: (Default)
" When Adam's flesh and Adam's bone
Sits at Cair Parvel in throne,
The evil time will be over and done"

-The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

There is a prophecy.

Two Sons of Adam. Two Daughters of Eve.

No more.

No less.

Lucy is last born, and the day she emerges from her mother's cunt with two screams--one that's her mother's, and one that's hers, through mucus that's cleared away and blood--it's like a lion's roar.

Her father comments on it, how loudly they both cried, that he heard them out in the hall--they didn't let fathers in, not back then--and she sounded fierce.

She sounded determined, his youngest child, his younger daughter, his little Light did.

She sounded like she would take on the world--or one, anyway--and win.

He names her Lucy, for Light.

She shines with her smile in the darkest places.

She is fierce, and rides to war, a queen.

She shoots down a man, and watches the life drain out of his eyes, and the blood out of his chest, and she smiles grimly.


She sits on her throne, and dances in court, and laughs and smiles.

And something in her roars.

There is a prophecy.

She puts it finally into the last stage of motion.

She wouldn’t know how to do otherwise.

[192 Words]
called_lioness: (Default)
Main Entry: kar·ma
Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work

"Then came three people riding abreast, two on great chargers and one on a pony. The two on the chargers were King Edmund and a fair haired lady with a very merry face who wore a helmet and a mail shirt and carried a bow across her shoulder and a quiver full of arrows at her side. ("The Queen Lucy," whispered Duffle.)"

-The Horse and His Boy

They don't understand, she thinks, as she urges her mare on, why she does such things.

Susan is content to stay in Cair Paravel--and someone must, of course, all four of them cannot risk their lives at once.

But Ed and Peter would prefer her, she knows--and hears, in her head, Tumnus correcting her gently to use full names and titles--if she stayed too.

She is the baby.

She is to be kept safe.

She knows, and she feels something like guilt.

She rides with the archers anyway, and shoots down the enemy, and feels nothing like guilt when she watches them fall. That comes afterwards. But there's no time now.

Someone once told her war was ugly when women fight.

They were wrong.

War's always ugly.

After the feasts, when the wine has been drunk and tongues wag more freely, she hears a knight of Archenland speak of how improper it is, for a woman to do such a thing. How it is not her place.

And she whirls on her heel, every inch the queen.

"It is not proper," she tells him, softly, "for me to wait behind in safety while a sibling of mine is endangering his life, sir. I will not be left behind to marry off for the safety of Narnia when my brothers are dead. I'll die by their sides first. That is proper, sir knight. I hope you learn that."

Lucy opens the door to the wardrobe and steps in.

Her siblings follow.

Susan tells her it's a silly game.

Lucy chooses the game.

This is karma: to walk her own path without caring what others think, only for what feels right.

[279 Words]
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