"I did, once," and it's true. Once she did, and once it would have been easy, and there were a million times she thought she was ready to step out the door and into the sun.

But something held her back,

(I want too much)

and now--and now either everything is the way home or nothing is, and she's not entirely certain which is true.

But "once" isn't "now" and there's something like grief on her face as she says it.