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Aug. 23rd, 2005 01:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
called_lionessShe thinks about how she told him she loved him.
She thinks she meant it. Not a lot, not head-over-heels, but she was falling, and the love was there.
She thinks he never loved her.
She thinks about how she spoke to his father.
She thinks about warning Peter not to frighten him, and defending Adam.
She thinks about how he kissed her.
She thinks about how she felt when he told her he kissed Edmund.
She thinks about how Edmund spoke with Adam about breaking up with her, and didn't tell her.
She thinks about how she forgave Adam.
She thinks about how she never had someone hold her when she wanted to cry over being dead.
She thinks about how much she loves Susan, for holding her when she told her Adam ended it.
She thinks about how grateful she is to Lilly, for holding her hand and talking.
She thinks about how much she loved him, and it wasn't a lot, maybe, and it might not have been forever, but it was real, and it hurts.
She thinks about the door, and leaving, and how she just wants to wrap her arms around a golden mane.
She thinks about how she also wants to wrap her arms around someone's neck, and hold him close, and kiss him softly.
She thinks about Adam, and how she loved him, and how she hurts, and how much she wishes she could've believed he loved her, even a little, and she still doesn't.
She thinks about how he had said he'd come visit her.
She thinks about how he didn't.
She thinks she hates him.
She thinks about how she wants to go, and how she know she'll stay.
She puts her face into her pillow, and cries, silently, again, and isn't sure what all she's crying for.
She sleeps, and is grateful for this time, where she doesn't have to think.
She thinks she meant it. Not a lot, not head-over-heels, but she was falling, and the love was there.
She thinks he never loved her.
She thinks about how she spoke to his father.
She thinks about warning Peter not to frighten him, and defending Adam.
She thinks about how he kissed her.
She thinks about how she felt when he told her he kissed Edmund.
She thinks about how Edmund spoke with Adam about breaking up with her, and didn't tell her.
She thinks about how she forgave Adam.
She thinks about how she never had someone hold her when she wanted to cry over being dead.
She thinks about how much she loves Susan, for holding her when she told her Adam ended it.
She thinks about how grateful she is to Lilly, for holding her hand and talking.
She thinks about how much she loved him, and it wasn't a lot, maybe, and it might not have been forever, but it was real, and it hurts.
She thinks about the door, and leaving, and how she just wants to wrap her arms around a golden mane.
She thinks about how she also wants to wrap her arms around someone's neck, and hold him close, and kiss him softly.
She thinks about Adam, and how she loved him, and how she hurts, and how much she wishes she could've believed he loved her, even a little, and she still doesn't.
She thinks about how he had said he'd come visit her.
She thinks about how he didn't.
She thinks she hates him.
She thinks about how she wants to go, and how she know she'll stay.
She puts her face into her pillow, and cries, silently, again, and isn't sure what all she's crying for.
She sleeps, and is grateful for this time, where she doesn't have to think.
